How do you wake up from a nightmare when you aren’t asleep? It’s hard to continue living, it’s even harder to continue living in a toxic environment. One where you have no support, no communication and are constantly feeling negative, misunderstood and not heard or respected. It tears you down further and further as though you are drowning.
The worst feeling in the world is knowing you did the best you could and it wasn’t good enough. You feel so many different emotions that you begin to feel nothing at all. All you feel is numb.
Things happen, and people leave. My fear of people entering my life is overwhelming, because each time I allow myself to be happy, someone leaves or gets taken away from me. I hate those moments after I’m done crying and I just sit there, emotionless. I feel so much, yet I feel so little.
When I’m upset, I shut myself down. I have no motivation for anything. I think about all of the negative things I can possibly think of. What I hate most is that you become so broken that you stop loving the things you love.
You have to ask yourself the question “am I alive or just breathing?”
People always say I look tired and sad. I know I look sad and tired. I am sad and tired, but sometimes you gotta pretend that everything is okay.
Because, who cares… right?
For more information about mental health support contact Hannah on 07879 794319 or hannahcleveley@ymcasc.org.uk.
